Pouring the slab, the floor of my tiny-house-to-be this morning.

Pouring the slab, the floor of my tiny-house-to-be. (The blue walls in front are the foundation.)

I feel like the Red Queen in Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass: running and running just to stay in place. As she explains to Alice,

…It takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!

I am running as fast as I can, but life is still speeding past me. Perhaps because I’m trying to do too much? Huh. I’m going to consider that. Later.

Construction on my tiny house is one thing speeding along, despite a spate of bad weather in late April. The house is  coming “out of the ground,” thanks to my excavator, Tommy Meyers, my concrete guys, A-1 Construction, and my contractor, Dan Thomas of Natural Habitats.

Hand-troweling what will be my finished floor and also the heat-sink to store winter sunshine.

Hand-troweling what will be my finished floor.

Today the cement truck beeped its ponderous way backwards up the ramp leading to the top of my foundation (which rises 5.5 feet above the lowest point of the lot) and splurted wet cement onto the rigid foam insulation beneath what will be the floor of my house.

Jimmy and the A-1 crew began spreading, screeding and finally, troweling it into a floor. (The bathroom will be in the left-hand corner of the photo, and the right two-thirds of the slab will be my open living/dining/kitchen area.)

The master bedroom in my architect-designed, sculptor-built house, with interior trim and doors by me, with a lot of help from patient friends.

The master bedroom in this architect-designed, sculptor-built house, with interior trim and doors by me and friends.

Finish work on this house isn’t speeding along, mostly because I’m squeezing it between spiffing up the yard, writing a new memoir, masterminding the launch of a landscaping-for-wildlife project for Audubon Rockies, hosting this year’s first Terraphilia artist resident, Jill Powers, reviving the social media efforts of Women Writing the West,  for which I somehow became Vice-President of Marketing, and sundry other projects.

(I guess that illustrates “trying to do too much.”)

Tony, teaching me how to cut a window-opening in a sheet of galvanized steel that's about to morph into paneling for a tub-shower surround.

Tony, teaching me how to cut a window-opening in a sheet of galvanized steel for a tub-shower surround.

Still, I have made progress, thanks to the help of patient and generous friends, especially Tony and Maggie Niemann, multi-talented creatives to whom I owe most of my carpentry and finishing knowledge. (Bob Spencer taught me doors.)

Almost all of the door and window trim is up, almost all of the baseboard is in and I’ve trimmed out a steel counter in the guest bath that Richard built for one of his beautiful basin sinks but never got around to finishing, and also trimmed the backsplashes for the kitchen counters about which ditto. What remains is the master bath, a complicated and challenging project both in terms of time and creativity. (See photo above.)

Guest bathroom counter with its new galvanized edging and the beautiful Richard-carved basin.

Guest bathroom counter with its new galvanized edging and the glorious Richard-carved basin.

The memoir, which I call Bless the Birds, is also coming along. I think I’ve only got four more chapters to write. Of course, those four cover Richard’s third and fourth brain surgeries (both in  March of 2011), his 61st birthday summer, our Big Trip, and coming home to those last two transcendent months of his life.

To write compelling and lyrical memoir, I have to relive that time. I read through my journal, blog posts, letters and emails and Richard’s snippets of writing, and look at his art, the books he was reading and the photos I took. It’s sweet, poignant, illuminating, humbling, painful and freaking hard. Some days I have to procrastinate a lot before I sit down and write. Once I get going though, the story sucks me in. It’s hard to stop. When I do, I’m wrung out.

And I have other things to accomplish. Hence the feeling of running as fast as I can and not quite managing to stay in place.

A rainbow arcs over my neighborhood.

A rainbow arcs over my neighborhood.

My work days begin before dawn and run until nine or ten at night. Still, they bring me gifts. Like today at lunch, when I snatched half an hour to watch the floor of my new house take shape. Or this evening, when a spring shower yielded the grace of a rainbow.

I take my blessings where I can. Which is, come to think of it, a good way to live.

Richard on a "walk" to the river, with Molly, my dad, my brother Bill, and my sister-in-law Lucy

Late last September, when it was clear that Richard’s brain tumor was getting the best of him, Molly asked if she could come stay with us “for the duration” to help with his hospice care.

“Of course,” I said. “We’d love to have you.”

It took her a couple of weeks to arrange for leave from her job as an analyst for a big ad firm in San Francisco. By the time she arrived, her daddy was already having a hard time walking, but when he spotted her getting off the bus from Denver, I swear his smile was big enough to light half the county.

She settled into our guest cottage, and began quietly figuring out ways to help out, from sitting with her dad in the afternoon so I could get out for a walk, to getting him to talk about his art and his life.

A few days after Molly arrived, the hospice harpist came for her regular once-a-week “concert.” She set her harp up in the bedroom and played for 45 minutes while Richard rested.

After the harpist left, Molly said, “I could do that.”

“What?” I asked, one ear cocked for her daddy stirring in the next room.

“Play for Dad.”

I looked at her, astonished. This is the “kid” (she’s 33 years old now) who has Richard’s music genes in spades. She was such a talented flutist in her school years that she won a four-year, full-ride scholarship to the local university–when she was in 8th grade. Somewhere between high school and college though, things went wrong, and she quit playing. She hasn’t picked her flute up since.

Molly's inner flutist emerges...

Her daddy and I had never quit believing that making music would always be part of who Molly is. Someday, we hoped, she would take it up again.

I swallowed, keeping my voice light.

“Yes, you could,” I said. And left it at that.

Two weeks later, when her boyfriend came to join her, he brought her flute, having unearthed it from heaven-knows-where in their San Francisco apartment. (I didn’t know she still had it.)

The next afternoon during her daddy’s rest time, she took it out, put it together, and searched for flute music on the internet. She propped her iPad up on the shelves in the kitchen, cleared her throat, put her lips to the instrument, and began to play.

iPad as score, cabinets as music stand!

I woke Richard. “Listen,” I whispered. “That’s Molly, playing for you.”

Did I say his smile could probably light half the county? When he heard the notes of her flute, the smile-glow was likely visible 100 miles away. He reached for my hand.

“Thank you,” he said.

“Don’t thank me,” I said, tears running down my face. “Thank Molly.”

“You taught her about love,” he said, “and generosity.”

We held hands, listening as the gift of Molly’s music graced the house.

Molly played for her daddy almost every afternoon, her technique growing stronger and more sure with practice. She and the hospice harpist played two duets, laughing their way through.

After Richard died, Molly said that the harpist her offered to play at the celebration of his life. I held my breath, not wanting to press.

“I think I will too,” she said after a moment. I hugged her.

And she did. The crowd of several hundred people hushed as she picked up her flute and the lush notes twined with the plucking of the harp strings. I felt her daddy’s smile, and had to wipe away tears.

Molly’s still playing, and I see that as a silver lining on the very dark cloud of her daddy’s death. The love of my life is gone, but his joy in making music lives on. Witness the video below from last month, where Molly plays a duet with my sister-in-law, Lucy, a cellist.

Thank you, Sweetie, for that gift!