The Oklahoma Panhandle, between Guymon and Boise City, a landscape that brings new meaning to the word 'level.'

the Oklahoma Panhandle between Guymon and Boise City

When I smacked my face with the car door last Monday evening in Guymon, Oklahoma, my first thought after “I can’t believe I did that,” and “Holy Toledo, that hurts!” (only I didn’t actually say “Holy Toledo”) was “I’ve got to slow down. I’m trying to do too much.”

With 400 miles to drive the next day and the first hundred traversing the western end of the Oklahoma Panhandle, one of the flattest landscapes I know, I had plenty of time and space to think about that last observation.

What responsibilities and to-dos could I let go of?

The most obvious is selling my beloved house/guest cottage/studio creative complex. I had planned to handle the sale myself, since I know the place better than anyone else, and honestly, a real estate agent’s commission amounts to a pretty big chunk of change for someone who has had essentially no income for the past several years.

But I’m not a real estate professional. And sales is not my forte, as evinced by the fact that I’ve given away many of what may be the most valuable books in Richard’s extensive library, preferring to pass them to friends who would appreciate them or donate them to our public library rather than sell them.

Sangre de Cristo Range, east of Raton, New Mexico

Sangre de Cristo Range, east of Raton, New Mexico

Okay. Selling the house/cottage/shop is one rather large responsibility I could shed. What else could I let go of?

I pondered that question as the Panhandle gave way to the rumpled black basalt flows and volcanic cones of northeastern New Mexico, and finally to the first views of the snow-streaked Sangre de Cristo Range, the mountains I follow home.

Well…. I could ask for more help with the final push to finish my beautiful-but-not-quite-ready-to-sell place. Thanks to my friends Maggie and Tony Niemann, plus Bob Spencer and my nephew, Andrew Cabe, a lot of the finish work is done. There’s just the master bathroom and then all the “fluffing” details. Which is still a lot.

The tiny house with windows!

The tiny house with windows!

Beyond those two things though, I got stuck. No one else can write Bless the Birds, the memoir I’m immersed in. Or mastermind the launch of the landscaping-for-wildlife project for Terra Foundation and Audubon Rockies. Or give the talk at Denver Botanic Garden in just over two weeks. Or keep tabs on the myriad details involved in construction of the new tiny house. Or….

The next morning, I woke in my own comfy bed remembering Christian McEwen’s book, World Enough & Time, which I reviewed last August. One of the things I learned in reading McEwen’s book is shedding to-dos and responsibilities is only part of making “enough” time. The other and perhaps more important part is pacing.

I could choose to race frenziedly through each day, telling myself that once I got through this crunch, I’d take some time to rest and recover. (That’s my usual M.O.) Or I could choose to recognize that this isn’t a temporary crunch, it’s simply a full and interesting life. And I need to find the time each day to breathe, rest, and take care of myself.

It’s that old saying about life being what happens along the way, not the end of the journey. Oh, yeah.

It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters in the end. (attributed to Ursula K. LeGuin)

I’ve spent the week practicing pacing my journey more deliberately. Every time I feel that panicky need to race through something just to get it done, I remind myself that this isn’t a temporary crisis. It is the journey.

Sitting in the doorway of my tiny house yesterday evening, dangling my legs over what will be the deck, this is what I saw--a gift of taking time to just be.

The view from the doorway of my tiny house yesterday evening, as I sat and dangled my legs over the space where the deck will be, a gift of taking time to just be.

And I rest when I need to rest. I stop and breathe. I look around me and appreciate that I am here. Now.

I’m accomplishing just as much, and appreciating more. I’m finding more grace and delight and outright joy. And I’m less overwhelmed and burnt out.

Also, I haven’t fallen, smacked myself in the face or injured myself in any way. I think I’m making progress. :)

Evening-primrose "snow" on a flat above the Arkansas River, Colorado

Pallid evening-primrose “snow” on a flat along the Arkansas River, Bighorn Sheep Canyon, Colorado

Thursday morning, I set out for Northwest Arkansas, 800 miles across the Southern Great Plains from Salida, a two-day drive, to visit my  Arkansas in-laws. I planned to drive nine hours the first day to Woodward, just east of the Oklahoma Panhandle, more than halfway.

That gave me a shorter drive the second day, so I would arrive at my sister-in-law’s house in Springdale a little more relaxed.

Peaks of the Sangre de Cristo Range above Texas Creek, Colorado

Sangre de Cristo Range above Colorado’s Wet Mountain Valley

I meant to leave at ten that morning, but I wasn’t on the road until eleven. So when I saw the white evening-primroses blooming on the flats in Bighorn Sheep Canyon just downriver from home, I didn’t stop. Even though there were so many the high-desert looked dotted with snow.

Until I came around a curve and spotted thousands across the river. I had to shoot a photo. I parked, dashed across the highway and clambered atop a guardrail post for a better view. I snapped a couple of photos, and then stepped down. Only I fell. Backwards. Onto the pavement.

I lay there, saying, “Oh sh___!” for a moment. Then I hauled myself up. My left leg didn’t work, so I stood on my right, holding the guardrail for balance. After a few seconds, my left leg responded and I limped across the highway to my car.

Missouri evening-primrose blooming in the highway margins right outside my motel in Woodward, Oklahoma.

Missouri evening-primrose blooming in the highway margins right outside my motel in Woodward, Oklahoma.

I debated about turning around and driving the 40 minutes home to the closest hospital. My knee was wrenched, my hip aching, and my ankle was weighing in with pain signals too. But they all still worked. Pretty much.

Further, Molly and I planned the Arkansas trip weeks ago. She and her partner Mark were flying in to meet me. (M&M live in San Francisco.)

So I drove on until I found a deserted side road where I could stop and slather arnica ointment on the offended hip, knee, and ankle. The stop also offered the view of the snowy peaks of the Sangre de Cristo Range in the second photo above.

Then I drove on. And on, and on, and on until I reached my motel in Woodward at nine that night. It was 88 degrees out. I applied more arnica ointment, plus ice. And fell into bed thinking I had been stupid and lucky and that I should slow the frenetic pace of my life.

Indian paintbrush, coreopsis, and yarrow blooming along the highway east of Tulsa.

Indian paintbrush, coreopsis, and yarrow blooming along the highway east of Tulsa.

I woke the next morning very stiff and very sore, but the hip, knee and ankle worked, and weren’t too swollen. I applied the arnica and ice again, and then hit the road. (Not literally this time.)

As I exited the driveway of my motel, located on an ugly industrial strip, I spotted clumps of glorious yellow Missouri evening-primroses blooming along the highway margins. I stopped to photograph them, limping considerably. But I didn’t fall.

Molly Cabe and her partner, Mark Allen

Molly Cabe and her partner, Mark Allen

And then I drove on. The roadside wildflowers all across Oklahoma were lovely, which cheered me considerably.

I reached my sister-in-law Letitia’s house late that afternoon, and limped inside to warm greetings from Molly and Mark and Tish, all of whom were sympathetic and impressed by my story. (Impressed, that is, by my stupidity.)

Still, it was a great weekend of visiting with Molly and Mark, Miss Alice, Tish, and her daughter Carolyn, spouse Doug, and their son Oliver, who at four is quite excited about becoming a big brother this fall. (I am very lucky in all my family.)

My niece, Carolyn Myrick and her grandmother, Miss Alice Cabe (Richard's mom).

My niece, Carolyn Myrick and her grandmother, Miss Alice Cabe (Richard’s mom).

We ate well, had time to catch up on each others’ lives, look over family photos, plant Miss Alice’s windowboxes, and visit the spectacular Crystal Bridges Museum of America Art, an outing organized by Tish.

(If you’re anywhere near northwest Arkansas, it’s worth a visit to Crystal Bridges just to see the woods-and-wildflowers setting and the gorgeously curved building tucked into that landscape. The art collection is superb too.)

This morning I headed out on the long drive home. The weather maps showed a gap between fronts (including the one that spawned the tornado that devastated Moore, near Oklahoma City).

Magenta locoweed and yellow evening-primrose along the highway in the Oklahoma Panhandle

Magenta locoweed and yellow evening-primrose along the highway in the Oklahoma Panhandle

After I passed through Tulsa, the rain abated and the wind dropped. The driving was pretty smooth and the roadsides were abloom with wildflowers. I was tired but eager to get home. I have things to do.

I drove almost nine hours to Guymon on the Oklahoma Panhandle. As I unloaded my car at the motel, I congratulated myself on  weathering the grueling drive pretty well despite my fall at the beginning. And promptly smacked myself in the face opening the car door. By the time I got upstairs to my room just moments later and went to get ice, there was a lump below my eye socket the size of a jumbo green olive.

Good thing I have that arnica ointment. And the ice machine is just across the hall.

Okay. I get the message. Tomorrow, while I carefully drive the rest of the way home, I will make concrete plans to slow the pace of my life.

First, though, I’m going to bed. As I do, I will send Light and love out to the people of Moore, Oklahoma. What a terrible, terrible tragedy. Bless us all.